Couples Therapy: When Needs Conflict
Even though feelings are subjective (and always make sense in some subjective way), relationships are full of struggles over who’s feelings are right and who’s are wrong.
This comes up quite often in couples therapy.
Even though we are not responsible for […]
“Looks Can be Deceiving”: Mentalization Skills in Relationships, Part I
So I’m going to talk with you today about some ideas that come from something called “mentalization based therapy”. Some of you may have heard of that but probably most of you have not. I’m going to […]
When talking about change backfires
Have you ever had someone tell you about a problem, ask for advice, express a strong desire to change…only to become defensive when you try to help?
This is one of the most confusing relationship dynamics that people come in with. It’s one thing […]
When You’re Ordinary, Normal, and Highly Successful…and You Still Need Help
I’ve often wondered why it can be so hard for people who seem like poster children for “ordinary”, “normal”, and “successful” to take help….and especially why they wait so long to show […]
The Illusion of Control and the Downside of Submission
Some things are not the way they seem on the surface. Relationships that are about control and submission frequently fall into this category. What you see is not necessarily the whole story.
There are many forms of control in relationships. […]
On Deceiving and Being Deceived
As a relationship therapist, I am often confronted with questions about honesty, deception, lies, and differences in perspective. Some couples come in accusing each other of lying. Some argue over events, each with a different version of what happened. Sometimes it’s […]
What does a dismissive attachment style have to do with anxiety?
A dismissive attachment style can affect your relationships with friends, family members, and your children. How can you tell if you or someone you love has a dismissive attachment style? And, why does it matter?
This […]
Trying to decide between individual therapy or couples counseling?
If you’re experiencing problems in a relationship, you may have wondered whether it’s best to go to an individual therapist to talk about it, or to attend couples […]
Wondering if you have symptoms of obsessive compulsive disorder?
Here are links to a couple of assessments on OCD that can be completed on one’s own:
What are Narcissistic Vulnerabilities?
Many of the difficult people we encounter in life can be thought of as having narcissistic vulnerabilities. This means it is very difficult for them to regulate their self-esteem and that they are vulnerable to feeling very ashamed. These people often feel the need […]