When talking about change backfires
Have you ever had someone tell you about a problem, ask for advice, express a strong desire to change…only to become defensive when you try to help?
This is one of the most confusing relationship dynamics that people come in with. It’s one thing […]
What are Narcissistic Vulnerabilities?
Many of the difficult people we encounter in life can be thought of as having narcissistic vulnerabilities. This means it is very difficult for them to regulate their self-esteem and that they are vulnerable to feeling very ashamed. These people often feel the need […]
Click here to read Part I of this article
“Looks can Be Deceiving”: Mentalization Skills in Relationships, Part 2
What are the differences between the private mental experiences that happen inside of us, such as feelings, thoughts, or beliefs, and the objective, concrete behaviors or actions that happen outside of us?
One of the main differences is […]
Why not use hitting when so many parents say that it “works”?
Even though it is true that hitting may seem effective sometimes in the short run in terms of getting a child to obey, in the long run, it interferes with a child’s development of a sense of ownership and boundary over his physical body. […]
Helping Your Child Develop a Secure Attachment
It is well-known that children who are comfortably and securely attached to their parents do much better at growing up and thriving than children who are not secure. According to Psychiatrist John Bowlby and a large body of research on children, children with a secure attachment style easily go […]
Aggression in Relationships:
One thing I’ve noticed in the practice of psychotherapy over the years, is that for some people, aggression allows connection. There is something paradoxical about this, and it took me some time to realize that what might seem “mean”, “tough”, or “confrontational” on the surface, is actually the key to helping some people […]
Communication problems, hidden agendas, and passive aggression in relationships
Have you ever had that feeling that you must be going crazy, because something feels so wrong but the people around you are acting as if you’re the problem?
Well, you are not alone! Hidden agendas are extremely common in […]
Marriage Advice: How to stop getting the opposite of what you’re looking for
One of the most challenging aspects of relationships is that we often need exactly what the other person cannot give. Getting stuck on what others cannot give us often distracts us from […]
Split Attention versus Mindfulness?
Recent trends encouraging mindfulness have pointed our awareness to the benefits of directing our full attention to one thing at a time, giving that thing our full focus and presence of mind. When it comes to things like eating mindlessly, multi-tasking, checking facebook while our loved ones are talking to us- to […]
Do you take the blame for everything??
Do you tend to get blamed for things that aren’t your fault?
Some people feed off of having someone to blame whenever things go wrong or feel uncomfortable. There always has to be someone else around so that whatever happens can be someone else’s fault. But what if you’re the […]