“Looks Can be Deceiving”: Mentalization Skills in Relationships, Part I
So I’m going to talk with you today about some ideas that come from something called “mentalization based therapy”. Some of you may have heard of that but probably most of you have not. I’m going to […]
When You’re Ordinary, Normal, and Highly Successful…and You Still Need Help
I’ve often wondered why it can be so hard for people who seem like poster children for “ordinary”, “normal”, and “successful” to take help….and especially why they wait so long to show […]
The Illusion of Control and the Downside of Submission
Some things are not the way they seem on the surface. Relationships that are about control and submission frequently fall into this category. What you see is not necessarily the whole story.
There are many forms of control in relationships. […]
On Deceiving and Being Deceived
As a relationship therapist, I am often confronted with questions about honesty, deception, lies, and differences in perspective. Some couples come in accusing each other of lying. Some argue over events, each with a different version of what happened. Sometimes it’s […]
What does a dismissive attachment style have to do with anxiety?
A dismissive attachment style can affect your relationships with friends, family members, and your children. How can you tell if you or someone you love has a dismissive attachment style? And, why does it matter?
This […]
Trying to decide between individual therapy or couples counseling?
If you’re experiencing problems in a relationship, you may have wondered whether it’s best to go to an individual therapist to talk about it, or to attend couples […]
What are Narcissistic Vulnerabilities?
Many of the difficult people we encounter in life can be thought of as having narcissistic vulnerabilities. This means it is very difficult for them to regulate their self-esteem and that they are vulnerable to feeling very ashamed. These people often feel the need […]
Click here to read Part I of this article
“Looks can Be Deceiving”: Mentalization Skills in Relationships, Part 2
What are the differences between the private mental experiences that happen inside of us, such as feelings, thoughts, or beliefs, and the objective, concrete behaviors or actions that happen outside of us?
One of the main differences is […]
Aggression in Relationships:
One thing I’ve noticed in the practice of psychotherapy over the years, is that for some people, aggression allows connection. There is something paradoxical about this, and it took me some time to realize that what might seem “mean”, “tough”, or “confrontational” on the surface, is actually the key to helping some people […]
Communication problems, hidden agendas, and passive aggression in relationships
Have you ever had that feeling that you must be going crazy, because something feels so wrong but the people around you are acting as if you’re the problem?
Well, you are not alone! Hidden agendas are extremely common in […]