Effects of Trauma on Relationships
One of the most difficult challenges in recovering from traumatic experiences, is teaching our “survival brains” to differentiate “real” emergencies or danger cues in the present from “pseudo-traumas”- experiences that look like past traumas but […]
During the current coronavirus disease 2019 (COVID-19) pandemic, many people have been forced to engage with people in their lives who are not good for them in ways that are much more meaningful. If you live with a manipulator, the already stressful […]
The Reinforcement of Personality Splits in Couples
Opposites can be particularly attractive to each other when a contrast is needed to offset (or distract from) insecurities about oneself.
A client, let’s call her “Debra”, had always been ashamed of her craving for attention and the limelight. She […]
Containment in Relationships
While the vicissitudes of ordinary discourse in relationships may be easy for many of us, this is by no means the case for everyone.
What can we make of the times when words are not treated as simply the best tools we’ve come up […]
The Hidden Side of “Special”
For many of us, our first experiences of being “special” to others happens naturally with our parents in our earliest days on this earth. Whether it’s the excitement we sense from them as they welcome us into this world for the […]
Separating the Past from the Present; Transference and Projection
One of the markers of a healthy personality is the ability to be flexible about how we see things and to let in new learning about the world and our relationships.
Although all of us are constantly bombarded […]
Abandonment: Depression and Other Effects
Feelings of abandonment by people we need or love, even people who hurt us sometimes too, can be one of the most difficult experiences in relationships, calling up some of our most primitive survival mechanisms to manage the pain.
But we all experience […]
Anxiety and Insecurity about One’s Sense of Self
Would you give up your autonomy for the illusion of protection?
Many adults do, especially those with anxiety disorders, fears of abandonment, or relationship insecurity.
As a matter of fact, many people with anxiety disorders feel that they must depend on […]
Couples Therapy: When Needs Conflict
Even though feelings are subjective (and always make sense in some subjective way), relationships are full of struggles over who’s feelings are right and who’s are wrong.
This comes up quite often in couples therapy.
Even though we are not responsible for […]
“Looks Can be Deceiving”: Mentalization Skills in Relationships, Part I
So I’m going to talk with you today about some ideas that come from something called “mentalization based therapy”. Some of you may have heard of that but probably most of you have not. I’m going to […]