Fairbairn observed that children don’t just need to be loved—they also need to feel their love is received. This idea touches on something important but often overlooked: giving love can be a more vulnerable act than searching for or needing love.
Ever feel like you’re too ‘together’ to be truly seen? Sometimes our most praised traits—competence, charm, independence—are actually defenses. This post explores how vulnerability can be the path back to real connection.
Some experiences don’t live inside us as coherent stories.
They don’t come wrapped up neatly with a beginning, a middle, and an end.
They don’t even always feel like memories.
You know that feeling when you want someone close—but the moment they actually get close, something inside you recoils.
Or maybe you feel safer on your own—until the space around you gets so quiet it starts […]
Sometimes when we need love the most, we push people away.
This isn’t because we don’t want connection—it’s often because a protective part of us learned long ago that reaching out for love leads to rejection. That […]
By Mirel Goldstein
(This is a fictional story and is not based on work with any client.)
Leah comes to me after her previous therapist retires.
She has taken a break from therapy for […]
Have you ever felt unseen or misread by the people around you?
All of us rely on feedback from others to form a sense of who we are. But when […]
Defense mechanisms are ways we protect ourselves from psychic or emotional pain, often unconscious.
Some defense mechanisms are healthier than others, and some are more destructive to relationships than others are.
Many of us struggle with accepting the limits of reality—the disappointments, frustrations, and sadness that come with being human. It’s one thing to acknowledge these limits as painful, but it’s another to experience them with a sense of grievance, blaming others […]
Many people think of self-control as a good thing—something that helps us stay responsible, disciplined, and successful in life. And in many ways, it is. The ability to regulate emotions, plan carefully, and maintain high standards can be powerful strengths. […]
