Speaking Up in Relationships
One of the challenges for people who don’t speak up for themselves is that everyone seems to like them that way. Whether it’s a co-worker, spouse, child, or friend- […]
Negotiating Boundaries in Relationships
While most people can appreciate the importance of marking at least some individual boundaries within relationships, knowing how and where to “draw the line” is not always quite that simple. As a matter of […]
Effects of Trauma on Relationships
One of the most difficult challenges in recovering from traumatic experiences, is teaching our “survival brains” to differentiate “real” emergencies or danger cues in the present from “pseudo-traumas”- experiences that look like past traumas but […]
During the current coronavirus disease 2019 (COVID-19) pandemic, many people have been forced to engage with people in their lives who are not good for them in ways that are much more meaningful. If you live with a manipulator, the already stressful […]
The Reinforcement of Personality Splits in Couples
Opposites can be particularly attractive to each other when a contrast is needed to offset (or distract from) insecurities about oneself.
A client, let’s call her “Debra”, had always been ashamed of her craving for attention and the limelight. She […]
Containment in Relationships
While the vicissitudes of ordinary discourse in relationships may be easy for many of us, this is by no means the case for everyone.
What can we make of the times when words are not treated as simply the best tools we’ve come up […]
The Hidden Side of “Special”
For many of us, our first experiences of being “special” to others happens naturally with our parents in our earliest days on this earth. Whether it’s the excitement we sense from them as they welcome us into this world for the […]
Separating the Past from the Present; Transference and Projection
One of the markers of a healthy personality is the ability to be flexible about how we see things and to let in new learning about the world and our relationships.
Although all of us are constantly bombarded […]
Why I have embraced the “free association” technique at long last
“Free association”, a therapy technique (sometimes referred to as “the fundamental rule” in psychoanalysis) in which a person puts himself into a reflective state of mind and notices/talks about whatever seemingly random thoughts, feelings, images, and memories […]
Abandonment: Depression and Other Effects
Feelings of abandonment by people we need or love, even people who hurt us sometimes too, can be one of the most difficult experiences in relationships, calling up some of our most primitive survival mechanisms to manage the pain.
But we all experience […]