In a recent class I taught, we explored projection and how it impacts our relationships. Projection is one of those things that we all do—it’s part of being human. But understanding why we do it and how it plays into other psychological concepts like transference and countertransference can help us not only in therapy but also in our everyday interactions.
At its core, projection is about taking something inside ourselves—often something uncomfortable or unwanted—and seeing it in someone else. It’s our brain’s way of managing emotions, even if we’re not aware of it. The key to navigating projection is knowing how to respond, because how we handle it can either help or harm our relationships.
Let’s break it down.
1. Communicating Nonverbal Experiences: We All Need Empathy
Sometimes, projection is our brain’s way of communicating something we can’t put into words. Imagine you’re feeling anxious but not fully aware of it, so you start criticizing a friend for “always being so stressed out.” What’s really happening here? You’re projecting your anxiety onto them because you don’t know how to express it yourself.
This is where empathy becomes powerful. If your friend recognizes this and responds with, “Hey, are you feeling okay? You seem a little on edge,” it might give you the space to reflect and say, “Actually, yeah, I’m feeling kind of off.” But if they respond defensively, it could escalate into an argument, leaving both of you more frustrated.
In therapy, we see this all the time with projective identification—where someone unconsciously draws a response from others that mirrors their own hidden feelings. The key here is to offer empathy and reflect back what might be going on. This opens the door for deeper insight and understanding.
2. Ridding Ourselves of Unwanted Feelings
Projection can also be a way of getting rid of something we don’t like about ourselves. Let’s say someone has a lot of anger but doesn’t feel comfortable owning it. They might pick a fight with a partner, provoking them to express the anger instead. In this scenario, the person has successfully projected their anger onto someone else and can now avoid feeling it themselves.
In therapy, this kind of dynamic often shows up in transference—when clients project feelings or expectations from past relationships onto their therapist. These projections aren’t about the therapist personally but are rooted in the client’s unconscious schemas—beliefs or templates about how relationships work, formed during early life or from traumatic experiences.
For example, a client who had a critical parent might project those same expectations onto their therapist, believing the therapist is judging them, even when that’s not the case. As therapists, recognizing this helps us avoid reacting defensively and instead helps us guide the client to understand where those feelings are coming from.
3. Seeking Predictability and Control
Projection is also about making the world feel more predictable. Our brains hate ambiguity, so when we enter new or anxiety-provoking situations, we automatically filter them through our past experiences or schemas. This is how transference happens. Clients bring their old relationship patterns into the therapeutic space, especially when there’s a power dynamic at play.
Let’s say a client who was always overlooked by authority figures comes into therapy. Even if the therapist is fully attentive, the client might feel ignored, not because of anything happening in the present, but because of those old patterns. Understanding this projection allows us to help clients see the difference between past and present, challenging those old schemas.
But therapists aren’t immune to projection either—countertransference happens when the therapist’s own stuff comes into the room. For example, if a therapist had a difficult relationship with a rebellious sibling, they might find themselves getting unusually frustrated with a client who pushes boundaries. Recognizing this helps the therapist separate their own feelings from the client’s and respond more objectively.
So, What Can We Do About It?
The big takeaway is this: how we respond to projection really matters. If someone is projecting because they’re trying to communicate something or seek empathy, being open and observing what’s going on can help them feel understood. But if the projection is more about disowning an unwanted feeling, pushing back or interpreting it too quickly might lead to defensiveness and even more conflict. (A person can feel like you are pushing back into them something they are trying to get rid of).
In those trickier situations, it’s sometimes better to hold the experience, reflect on it, and decide whether or not to address it directly. In therapy, we often process this with colleagues or supervisors to gain insight and prevent our own countertransference from clouding the therapeutic space.
Final Thoughts
Projection isn’t inherently bad—it’s just one of the ways our minds cope with uncomfortable feelings. The more we can understand it, the better we can respond when it shows up, both in therapy and in life. So, next time you catch yourself blaming someone else for something that feels oddly familiar, take a moment to reflect. Is it possible that what you’re seeing in them is actually something within yourself? That reflection alone can be the first step toward growth.