I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the dynamics of giving vs receiving, as well tensions between the need to express ourselves outwards vs. needing to retreat inwards. Sometimes we long to put ourselves out there and other times we yearn to take things in or sit with what’s inside.

Finding a balance between internalising that which is outside of us vs. externalising that which is inside of us is built into the fabric of our lives from the moment we come into the world. As infants, we need to take in both physical and emotional nourishment, and we also need to rid ourselves of toxins, waste, excess, tensions, etc. In the best of cases, we stay in homeostatic balance, with the help of attuned caregivers, allowing our needs for both nurture and nourishment to ebb and flow easily with our needs for independence, evacuation, and tension release.

The pulls to produce, to move outward, to create something and offer it to the world…as well as to get rid of things, versus the quieter, inward pulls to rest, replenish, and germinate what’s inside of us, grow together with us into adulthood, taking on more mature and sophisticated forms of expression as we integrate our needs for both autonomy and self expression with our need for connection in ways that are in sync with the realities we find ourselves in.

Some of us live more in one kind of mode than another; this might correlate with one’s attachment style, or simply with each person’s brain’s innate preferences for a more logical vs. intuitive mode, for doing vs being, or for doing things ourselves vs relying on others.

Those of us more comfortable in action—doing, producing, taking initiative—tend to see progress as linear, where A leads to B leads to C. And those of us more at ease with just “being”, with allowing things to germinate quietly, tend to trust things will grow in their own time and own way.

These themes seem to also overlap with the concepts of contraction versus expansion. Those moments when everything feels tight—when we’re stuck, blocked, or just empty inside; that’s contraction. It can feel like nothing is happening, like everything is shut down. But if we sit with it, which is easier for some of us than for others- if we manage to stay in that space without forcing our way out (or trying to anyway because that never seems to actually work!)—it often leads to a kind of release, a natural expansion. Suddenly, things start to open up again. We breathe out. We move outward. At least that happens for me. And yet, some of us really struggle to sit in the contraction. We think, If I’m quiet, empty, or blocked, something’s wrong. But sometimes, that’s where the real growth happens—under the surface, in the stillness.

Others find expansion harder. Stepping into the light, putting something out there, externalizing what’s inside—it feels exposing, vulnerable. Safer, maybe, to stay inward, to keep things in the germination phase.

The truth is, we need both. Life asks us to move between these opposites. To trust the quiet, even when it feels like nothing’s happening, and to trust the movement when it’s time to step forward.

The more I sit with this, the more I realize that balance isn’t about perfectly splitting our time between giving and receiving, contraction and expansion. It’s about learning to feel at home in both. A flexible personality—one that can shift between action and stillness, between linear and non-linear ways of being—is often a healthier, more grounded one.

But it’s not easy. When we cling too tightly to one mode—when we have to always be producing, or we refuse to step into the light—we lose access to the other side of ourselves. And that’s when we start to feel stuck or unbalanced.

So I’ve been asking myself—and maybe you can ask yourself too—where do I feel most at home? Is it in the quiet, receptive space, or is it in the action, the outward movement? What’s it like to sit in the discomfort of contraction without rushing to get out of it? And what’s it like to let myself expand, to show up and share what’s inside of me, even when it feels risky? Can I flow between 2 modes? I know it’s something I’ve been working on! What about you?