Those of us who struggle with OCD understand that OCD is often irrational and can make us feel pretty crazy at times. At the same time, OCD is real, and the fears and compulsions that those of us with OCD struggle with can make each day feel stressful and hard. Yet, with the right combination of therapy and often medication, OCD is very treatable.

Understanding OCD: When Control Becomes the Controller

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is often associated with repetitive behaviors and intrusive thoughts, but at its core, it frequently involves rigidity—rigidity in thinking, in emotional responses, and in the way a person relates to themselves, others, and their fears. This rigidity makes it difficult to be flexible, to let go, and to tolerate uncertainty, leading to patterns that feel stuck, exhausting, and all-consuming.

How OCD Manifests in Different Areas of Life

OCD doesn’t always look the same for everyone. Here are some common ways it can show up:

1️⃣ Interpersonal OCD: The Fear of Disapproval or Rejection

  • You may fixate on whether someone is upset with you, replaying conversations and looking for signs that you said or did something wrong.
  • The anxiety compels you to seek reassurance—perhaps by calling or texting repeatedly to confirm that everything is “okay.”
  • Even when reassured, the relief is temporary, and soon, the cycle of doubt and seeking reassurance begins again.

2️⃣ Work-Related OCD: The Fear of Mistakes or Harm

  • You may obsess over making a mistake at work, fearing criticism, failure, or even unintentionally harming someone.
  • This can lead to excessive checking, re-reading emails multiple times, or avoiding tasks altogether due to fear of imperfection.
  • Work becomes overwhelming—not because of the actual workload, but because of the mental energy spent on preventing feared outcomes.

3️⃣ Contamination or Order OCD: The Need for Control

  • Some people experience obsessive thoughts and compulsions that aren’t centered on relationships but on maintaining control over their environment.
  • You might feel an intense need for cleanliness, symmetry, or things being “just right.”
  • Actions like excessive handwashing, repeatedly rearranging items, or avoiding certain places provide temporary relief, but over time, they reinforce the feeling that something terrible will happen if you don’t comply with these rules.
  • Often, this stems from a deeper fear of powerlessness—if you can control your external world, it feels like you might be able to prevent deeper emotional pain or unpredictability.

Why Does OCD Feel So Hard to Let Go Of?

The difficulty with OCD isn’t just the obsessions or compulsions—it’s the deep emotional beliefs underneath them.

✔ A Need for External Approval

  • For some, OCD is driven by a deep-seated fear of being disliked, disapproved of, or unworthy.
  • The mind clings to rituals, checking, or perfectionism as a way to protect against rejection or criticism.

✔ A Response to Trauma or Self-Worth Issues

  • OCD can sometimes stem from past experiences of feeling powerless, ashamed, or unsafe.
  • A person might believe, deep down, that they are “bad” or “unlovable,” and their obsessions become a way to prove or disprove that belief.
  • Example: Someone with contamination OCD might unconsciously feel “tainted” or “blemished” on an emotional level, and their compulsions become a symbolic way to cleanse themselves.

✔ A Way of Punishing Oneself for Unacceptable Feelings

  • If a person has emotions they believe are wrong (such as anger, envy, or desire), OCD may become a way to unconsciously punish themselves.
  • The mind creates rules and rituals that drain joy—as if the person doesn’t deserve to feel pleasure or ease.

✔ An Attempt to Create Predictability in an Uncertain World

  • Life is unpredictable, and for someone who has experienced chaos, loss, or lack of control, OCD can feel like a way to establish order and certainty.
  • The rituals provide a temporary sense of security, even though in reality, they make life smaller and more constrained.

When OCD Controls Not Just You, But Those Around You

One of the hardest aspects of OCD is that it doesn’t just affect the person struggling—it can also create tension in relationships.

🔹 Example: A parent with contamination OCD may find it unbearable to let their toddler play in the dirt, even though it’s a normal and healthy part of child development. They feel trapped between their fear of germs and their desire to give their child freedom.

🔹 Another Example: A spouse might find it frustrating when their partner insists on rechecking locks multiple times before leaving the house. While they may initially reassure them, over time, the compulsions begin to control the entire household.

This dynamic can lead to conflict, frustration, and resentment—and ironically, the person with OCD often hates the way their compulsions impact others but feels powerless to stop.

How Therapy Can Help You Find Freedom

If you struggle with OCD, you might want to let go of control, but feel completely unable to. Maybe you’ve thought:

🌀 “What if I stop checking, and something bad actually happens?”
🌀 “If I relax my standards, won’t I become irresponsible?”
🌀 “I want to stop, but the anxiety is unbearable.”

This is where therapy can help.

When I work with clients who have OCD, we often begin with a list or inventory of different OCD symptoms that the person is struggling with. Completing the YBOCS together in session is often our first step.

In terms of treatment, Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) such as I-CBT, ACT, and exposure and response prevention (ERP), and psychodynamic approaches all provide tools to:
✔ Challenge obsessive thoughts without giving into compulsions.
✔ Explore the deeper fears and self-beliefs that drive your OCD.
✔ Learn to tolerate uncertainty without feeling like something terrible will happen.
✔ Regain control—not by tightening your grip, but by loosening it in a safe, intentional way.

OCD doesn’t have to run your life. You can find relief, connection, and the ability to enjoy the moment—without being trapped in fear.

If this resonates with you, reach out. Therapy can help you reclaim your freedom—one small, courageous step at a time.

To read some of my blog posts on OCD, click on these links:

https://goldsteintherapy.com/labeling-ocd-thoughts-for-what-they-are/

https://goldsteintherapy.com/should-we-outgrow-the-need-for-reassurance/

https://goldsteintherapy.com/could-you-be-using-your-mind-for-self-protection/