17 and I’m so lost and alone. Being an loving optimistic empath under the thumb of an explosive narssasist that can’t control His emotions and temper. One day he will kill me. So I Stay away as much as I can but if we didn’t have a 4 year old I would have been gone years ago.
mirel
November 30, 2022 at 4:06 am
I’m hoping if you really feel he’s capable of hurting you that you will put your safety first and reach out to a domestic violence hotline or another resource that can help you create a safety plan!
trista
July 31, 2023 at 1:38 pm
Me and her broke up like 3 days ago and I know our relationship was toxic. But I feel like she was cheating also.
Seb L
September 27, 2023 at 11:22 pm
I got and 18, I kinda knew that my girlfriend was narsisctic. Every time I try and express my problems with her behaviour to her she belittles them and acts like it’s all my fault. She also mocked me in public in front of my friends and does things to purposely annoy me everyday, and as I go to boarding school with her I can never have some time and space away from her I’m only 15 and I just don’t know what to do anymore.
M
February 1, 2024 at 5:04 am
Please take care of yourself even though times are hard ❤️
Same here for me as well. I got a 19. My family wants nothing to do with me, not even my children because of him. And when I reach out to them, they just tell me I did it to myself and that they can’t help me or help me find help i get it from all sides. I didn’t ask to be born
I got a 15 and i I kinda Believe it he’s made me choose between me or my family and now I lost me family, we always fight but the second I say we’re done or I wanna break up he changes to a whole new person and convinces me to stay but his change never lasts long and he’s always calling me retarded, blaming everything on me having no common since
I got the same score as you, and I have also been called these names. You’re not alone. We will get through it. It’s just so hard when I know the lows outweigh the highs in this situation. But I’m not strong enough to leave.
I got a 15! I already knew it was coming, after finding out he cheated for over a year, plus he still works with girl and has kept some of the things she has given to him as gifts, I just feel it’s hopeless but moving on is not easy!
I got a 13. I just told my husband I’m leaving him, got my own place, and now he’s switched on me and has become a charmer. I’m so out of my mind from living and dealing with him, tired of walking on eggshells, and emotionally depleted. It’s literally killing me on the inside
I got a 3, so that’s good?
Me and my boyfriend just got in a really..really bad fight..and it’s been bothering me nonstop so I’ve been bailing my eyes out.. he says we fight a lot when we’ve only fought twice this whole month and this is our first time fighting..but, they’ve both been “big” I guess the last one wasn’t huge but, it did a role on his mental health thinking I deserve better..I love him so much but, he just keeps thinking what I need like that I need someone better when I really just want me and him to work out..I’m just a kid, but, I’ve have plenty of toxic relationships..and I’m just scared that maybe I’m so used to them I turn them into a toxic relationship…I’m not going to lie, I’m scared to lose him..for more than one reason, we both love each other, but, last night he said something I’ll never forget… “i really don’t but i feel like it would be the best for both of us, maybe not right away, but given time i feel like it would help the fights “
I don’t want to do that…at all and we talked about it and we both don’t want to break up.. why did it go to the supreme like it did..how can I fix this what should I do??
I got an 17 this is just a man I’ve been dating now for 6yrs May 23, 2023. Yes it’s a toxic relationship I know. But I’m leaving and not looking back I have two boys they are not his but I’m strong I don’t like to be disrespected, shamed or treated bad before we started dating it took me a long time to humble myself and not to be domestic and abusive because I’ll fight a man and not care but jail is not for me I changed because I had kids not for a man and I will never for a man. I hope all you woman that are in this mess get away or you men that in this get way and live free you just have to have the heart and the strength and just know to Love and put yourself first it works because I left him 2 days ago and never looked back because my mental, my health and my children come first ✌🏾💜
17, Same. it sucks that I have to do a test to see what I can already see or feel in an objective mindset. On the other hand also a good confirmation. Little bit of self compassion goes along way. Good luck to you.
I completely agree. I intentionally searched for this quiz because I felt like I was just overreacting or being too sensitive, even though I see the problems at hand. I took this quiz because I just needed a extra push to end it with them all together.
He always blames me for everything that goes wrong in his life, believing that I made the choices for him even after I’ve told him he’s free to do what makes him happy.
He accuses me of cheating and says I’m not as perfect as I think I am (not true. My friends know I have self esteem issue)
Now I dread seeing him. I’ve asked for divorce but he refuses.
Barbara
July 5, 2022 at 5:59 pm
You don’t need his permission for a divorce. Go to the court house and file. They will take it from there. If he doesn’t show up, the judge will grant your divorce. That’s how I got my divorce.
18. Ouch. I knew things were bad, when three different places I’ve worked, my co workers have come to me and said “girl, he’s terrible, you gotta get out of there.” This validates a lot.
I’ve got a 15. I have everything I need to leave. A job, a place to live, but he’s being “nice” right now and I don’t know how to start the process of leaving because we are not arguing right now.
If I say I’m leaving he’ll say we are not arguing and he didn’t do anything wrong this time.
I tested as observing my partner which was a 10, and tested as my partner observing me and I was a 9. We both have our problems lacking what the other wants or the disconnect from each other’s views. How do we reach a understanding of one another?
Cassidy Mccormick
February 15, 2022 at 6:28 am - Reply
I got a 10. What’s worse is that I can’t leave him because we are like magnets. He always finds a way back into my life no matter what and i always go back with him and end up getting hurt. Every time.
That’s one of the hardest parts of dealing with this type of personality…it’s easy to get manipulated or seduced back in over and over again
Martha Herrera
December 10, 2021 at 7:16 pm - Reply
I have been in a toxic relationship for 17 years he is my husband I have 4 wonderful children with him. I don’t know how to Overcome this marriage I pretty much do everything for this man pay all the bills pay all his bills n I just feel like he just married me to be his atm machine. I’m so disgusted on a man who is my husband could be so cruel and not appreciate me once. But most of all upset on myself
i got a 17 and I feel the exact same way. my ex (for now ig) has hurt me so many times, but every time he sees me starting to pull away and realize how manipulative and toxic he’s being, he apologizes and pulls me right back in. this type of situation is really hard to get out of and i’ve been trying for about 5 years. these people know how to control the way you’re feeling and get whatever they want. in my experience, they only apologize or are kind when it is convenient for them. they don’t really care about the way you’re feeling they just make it seem like they do so they can manipulate you to get what they want whenever they want it. these relationships are so bad for your mental health and i’d suggest just cutting off all contact with this person, even though it may be hard. it will be better for your mental health in the long run and if you’re worried about hurting them, just know that the only thing you’re doing is slightly ‘inconveniencing’ this person because they’re no longer able to manipulate and gaslight you. i wish you the best of luck with this relationship. stay safe <3
I just left my toxic lover after he gave me the silent treatment for asking him to respect my boundaries. The crazy part is that I want him back. He’s terrible. Took advantage of me when things were good. He can make me feel worthless. And, I want him back. I think of him all the time. If he calls, I know that I’ll answer the phone and be right back under his spell. I need help.
That sounds hard. You could definitely benefit from finding someone objective to talk to you about it. Sometimes we need someone outside the situation to help us pull out.
I’m kind of in the same trap. Only I can’t seem to move forward. I got a 17 on the test, which is what I needed to validate. Like you, I see what’s going on, no I’m not happy, but I can’t seem to let her go. For a long time now as long as she was happy, I was ok. Even though I was going numb. But it was ok. We also have 4 kiddos. If i left ide feel like i abandoned them. Which I’m not ok with. But it’s getting toxic. I’ve asked myself, follow my heart or do the right thing and can’t get a grasp. So is it that we are in love with our other half or do we get comfortable.
The issue is that even though they’re toxic, they start to act understanding and kind when they know you’re on the verge of snapping. It’s best you find someone who provides that, without the toxicity. It’s not too hard because there’s some really decent people out there.
I’m kind of in the same trap. Only I can’t seem to move forward. I got a 17 on the test, which is what I needed to validate. Like you, I see what’s going on, no I’m not happy, but I can’t seem to let her go. For a long time now as long as she was happy, I was ok. Even though I was going numb. But it was ok. We also have 4 kiddos. If i left ide feel like i abandoned them. Which I’m not ok with. But it’s getting toxic. I’ve asked myself, follow my heart or do the right thing and can’t get a grasp. So is it that we are in love with our other half or do we get comfortable.
I am currently going through the same thing but it’s my beliefs that are helping me day by day and my sisters. It’s literally your choice on what makes you happy girl. If you feel you can be happier without him then work on it, do what you need to do and know that it’ll take time and strength but if you feel best when you are with him then more power to you. It’s not him that matters most but your happiness because it’ll be a path you choose to take in life.
I broke up with ny bf coz I always get the blame and I fix our relationship alone. Then he wanted to start over but he puts no effort and let me do it alone.
We are engaged and he keeps saying he’s gonna change then doesn’t and says “I’m trying” “don’t you know I’m trying” “can’t you tell” “you know how I am” “I’m sorry but I did it because blah blah” “I’m having a bad day” it’s been going on for months and months. And he always makes me feel bad, and uses mental health as an excuse even tho I have mental illness too. I was understanding and helping him change and basically being his therapist but the last month I can’t do it anymore I’m getting mean
I am in the exact same position. It always ends up with him saying how he doesn’t know what he is going to do. How he will end up on his mom’s couch and have to figure it out from there. Which to some people doesn’t sound like manipulation but the mannerisms, tone and approach to these statements are done in a way that he expects me to fix it for him like everything else.
I just feel like a walking ATM who not only gives money but is supposed to listen to everything thing that comes out of his mouth without expecting anyone, let alone him, caring about how I am or how my day went let alone my needs or wants.
I got a 9 but I reversed it and took it from what I thought my boyfriends perspective would be and now I feel really bad cuz I’m the toxic one in the relationship
I felt this one, I’ve been working on myself through inspirational videos on YouTube. They have opened my eyes about myself. I want to be a better me. But there’s no growth in the relation. This was with a deeper understanding on what a relationship/partnership should be, I’m noticing key details about her to. Only she doesn’t see what I clearly see.. then I feel bad then I’m saying sorry for bringing it up .
I got a 13, it’s hard to decide considering I’m super close with his family and last time we had a break we ended up back together. I just don’t think I’m happy anymore. I can’t just leave tho
I’m tired of being manipulated. This is the millionth time that I told he needs to work on his communication, there is absolutely no need for him to ignore me for days and days and days I’m tired I’m sick I feel mentally drained. This isn’t the first time he ignored me. I get it that when we get into arguments, you might want to take some time off from your partner. But is this?!? Ignoring me for days straight….this is mentally draining I have the MCATS coming up, I am tired I don’t want to deal with him he is toxic.
Same man.. I’m so glad this text is available— I am sixteen and my relationship with someone two years older than me ended in the most insane way. I blamed myself for every single disagreement and prioritized that person over my own needs only to be ghosted and blamed. Awful..
I got 14. My partner and I had a very rocky start to our relationship. Where she did not sexually respect my boundaries and gaslit me into doing sexual things with her. Upon confrontation (took a lot of courage), she started crying and made it about how she felt like an abuser instead of giving me a proper apology. But she did change and it was visible.
But she runs away every time we have conflict, I have to chase after her, trying to make her talk and resolve our issues. I see that I too have not been perfect, there have been times I also got very defensive when we were talking but in the end, I understood and apologized. Lately every 8-10 days, she brings up something trivial like a social media post, and then start a fight. With time I too have been feeling that I have reached my limit, consequently, I have started getting defensive and dismissive. Which is really toxic, and I should work on it too.
But in her case, even when I bring up something that bothers me, she will make me feel guilty, the conversation will go to some other tangent and in the end, I will be the one to apologize again.
I have suggested that she should go for therapy, but she always says stuff like I do not believe in it etc. I went for therapy for 2 years, and I am thinking to go again. Because it really helped, but I don’t know what to do with her.
I do love my girlfriend and care about her deeply, but every few days I feel like I am on the edge, walking on eggshells. It does feel like our relationship is unhealthy, therapy is the only way to make it work, but my partner refuses to go.
It sounds like you have a lot of great insight about the relationship, it can be really hard to let go of a relationship that’s unhealthy when there are also things we love about the other person, and when sometimes it seems like things are getting better! Therapy for you definitely sounds like it can help
Holy hell I felt this one, I literally just read my relationship… only difference is there are 4 little ones in my truth. We’ve been together 8yrs. And I truly don’t know who I am today. Everything in me has told me to move on. You deserve to feel happiness. I just can’t seem to go through with it. I’ve packed my things in the middle of the night, kissed my kids goodnight on their little foreheads, tell the in whisper I will forever love them, get in my vehicle, start to leave. Tears in my eyes and a burning in my chest, I hit the brakes. And I’m rushing to put my stuff back in place be ause I don’t want them to know what just happened…. I wont abandon my kids. But I see what’s going to happen staying… I’m sorry for the long reply, your comment kind of hit home.. I’ve never told a soul about that..
Anonymous Holy hell I felt this one, I literally just read my relationship… only difference is there are 4 little ones in my truth. We’ve been together 8yrs. And I truly don’t know who I am today. Everything in me has told me to move on. You deserve to feel happiness. I just can’t seem to go through with it. I’ve packed my things in the middle of the night, kissed my kids goodnight on their little foreheads, tell the in whisper I will forever love them, get in my vehicle, start to leave. Tears in my eyes and a burning in my chest, I hit the brakes. And I’m rushing to put my stuff back in place be ause I don’t want them to know what just happened…. I wont abandon my kids. But I see what’s going to happen staying… I’m sorry for the long reply, your comment kind of hit home.. I’ve never told a soul about that..
Just want to remind of you that I have an online course that can teach you how to set better limits with your partner even if you decide not to leave, email me at mirel@httpgoldsteintherapycom.kinsta.cloud for the link to sign up
edwin van beek
December 20, 2021 at 8:47 am - Reply
I GOT A 17 I HAVE KNOWN HE WAS TOXIC AND I JUST HOLD MY FEELINGS IN THAT WAY I DONT HAVE TO DEAL WITH HIS TEMPERMENT. THE GETTING IGNORED FOR DAYS THE COLD SHOULDER AND THE BAD ATTITUDE IS STARTING TO GET TO ME AND TO A POINT WHERE IM ABOUT TO BREAK. DAYS GO BY WITH NO TALKING AND THEN OUT THE BLUE HE SMILES AT ME AND I JUST SMILE BACK TO AVOID ANOTHER DAY SILENCE. I KNOW ITS TIME FOR ME TO LEAVE IM NOT HAPPY AT ALL I DONT KNOW WHAT KEEPS ME HERE WE HAVE NO KIDS TOGETHER ALL MY CHILDREN ARE GROWN FROM MY LAST RELATIONSHIP AND HE WAS TOXIC TO I DID 12YRS IN THAT RELATIONSHIP AND I ENDED UP BROKEN TOOK ME A LONG TIME TO FIND MYSELF. WLL IM BACK TO A PLACE I PROMISED TO NOT EVER GO BACK TO IM 8YRS IN NOW. MY ISSUE IS I TRY TO FIX THE BROKEN AND I END UP BROKEN AT THE END.
I got a 14 , i know how the relationship is but i cant seem to leave and i dont know whats stopping me cause i know it isnt food for me to stay in it when nothing is changing
14…i was scared to see the results…i was almost hoping i was wrong and it is all in my head…i took 1 before this and tried to be honest in answering so i could find out it i was a manipulator…resulted in finding out yes but to a small degree “as a last resort” it said…i don’t know how i feel…i’m at a point where i’ll probably take another test for more validation…whats worst is we were in a relationship before and i left…and he made me feel guilty for leaving…and kept badgering me to get back with him…out of guilt i kept communicating…he’s close to my family…he reminds me how much i only have him who cares about me…because my family treat me so bad…i have no one…
i’m not perfect…i get aggressive at times…and i try to acknowledge. when i’m wrong and apologize…i hardly ever gets an apology and when i do its sometimes insincere and only to shut me up from speaking on the issue at hand…he’ll literally do all of this and say “i’m not wrong and i’m not sorry”…i try to set boundaries and he crosses them all the time and makes me feel guilty for having them…we’re even together becuz i told him i didn’t want to be with him ever again…and he still puts me through so much emotional strain…happy for this forum to be able to express myself…if anyone reads this please know that you matter…stay blessed.
Omg! Mine says this to me now because I left him before and I just did it again!
(whats worst is we were in a relationship before and i left…and he made me feel guilty for leaving…and kept badgering me to get back with him…out of guilt i kept communicating…he’s close to my family…he reminds me how much i only have him who cares about me…because my family treat me so bad…i have no one…)
He just said this to me yesterday actually! It makes me sick. I am so sorry you are going through this.
I got an 18 and I knew it, just never wanted to admit it to myself. Seeing I left him, is making him so mean with his words and is constantly calling or texting me and telling me that he may find someone else soon. Knowing very well that makes me have high anxiety and panic with the thought of him with someone else because I still love him. But I had to get away, I did everything for him and I mean everything and I wasn’t able to really visit my family without him constantly wanting to know what I was doing. He’s driving me insane. I wish he would just stop.
I got a 14. This is about my best friend. I think I am going to ghost her because she has been gaslighting me and displaying many signs of toxic behavior. She is a narcissist and I always feel like I’m walking on eggshells when I hang out with her. She makes me out to be the mean one and always starts fights for no reason and makes me apologize. I didn’t know she was toxic all this time. It’s always been that way but my mom, to this day thinks we are both the problem which makes me rethink my decision and question myself. My mom also yells at me a lot and gets mad if I yell back, even if she is also in the wrong. Yes, my ex bsf and I do have some of the same issues, but I would never treat a friend that way. She has literally started a fight with me because I asked for her cousin’s snap\. She said, “I can’t believe you didn’t expect me to react like this.” “Why can’t you respect my decision?” She didn’t want me to add him because he was family but when I reminded her that she had my older sister added she didn’t respond. After explaining everything to my mom, she still think part of it is my fault, which makes me feel so guilty even though I know I did nothing wrong. Everything has to be her way. With her family and with her friends too. Now that I think about it, she has manipulated me so many times that I got used to it and didn’t even recognize it as toxic behavior.
I got a 14.. I searched for this quiz because every time I bring up even the smallest issue, no matter how nice about it I am, he immediately flips it on me and says I’m just too negative and I only look for the bad in him. If I didn’t immediately back down, he’d go on to say that I have issues too but he doesn’t address them because he doesn’t feel the need to. I’d usually shut down about that time in the argument, but I finally took it a step further. After I pointed out that he always tries to turn things around on me, he kept calling me crazy and delusional, saying that if I want to be done, we can just be done but that there’s no going back after that. We live together. We have three kids.. I don’t know what to do.. I told him last night that I was done because he would not take an ounce of blame for anything. It was all my fault. He didn’t spend enough time with his kid, my fault. He did nothing but play games and watch YouTube on his phone, also my fault. I got so angry that I just gave up. Told him I’d take the kids and leave. And if him being right really meant that much to him, it was going to cost him his family. After taking this quiz, I finally don’t feel crazy for my decision. But I really hope he’s willing to work on this, because I don’t want my kids growing up in a broken home like I did.. and I do love him, more than anyone I’ve loved before. I just hope he feels the same.
You’re not crazy, you coming here to do the quiz is the best prove of that, this is in my opinion one of the worse things that can happen in a relationship, he making you question your sanity, I admire your strength and not everyone can take or think abt taking such decisions unfortunately.
I was in such a relationship 3 years ago and I’m still recovering even though I’m already in another relationship which is pretty ok, I sometimes wonder if I’m ever to recover from it.
i wish i got that low. for some reason even though i get pushed around and treated bad and I KNOW i deserve better, i just cant leave. i love him too much. im just stuck.
I got 15 and it sucks because I’m just so scared and I don’t know how too get out of it because I care so much and we have an entire life together and I don’t want it too end I just want him too change and I am changing too be better too it just sucks I feel like I’m always on eggshells like if I do one thing wrong I’m screwed if I say the wrong thing it will cause for so much fights I am just lost
I’m very sorry to hear that, that sounds a lot like how my parents are, it’s never too late to change stuff in your life, waiting for something magical to happen will make it only worse, I’d talk to a therapist or a neutral person abt it
I got 8
My gf has borderline disorder, but not a severe one tho, she realizes often when she does or act out of her borderline personality, and tries to work on it.
I have some borderline issues as well,
I’ve been feeling stuck now for a year or so and feeling that the relationship is consuming me, even tho if I wanted to do something or practice a hobby, I can just say it and my gf understands, she needs A LOT of attention tho, so it might be that she kinda distracts me all the time and I can’t do a thing abt it, I don’t have the control over it, even tho I’m an adult and I should be able to decide where to put my attention.
BUT my father used to blame my mom for everything bad that happens in his life and I’m aware of the fact that I, subconsciously, do that too, unfortunately.
So that’s where I’m stuck now and have been for last year or more, and don’t seem to find the answer even after years of therapy
Ay I hope you’re doing good now and I understand because I actually have bpd too. It can be hard for relationships. I only got a 5 for my boyfriend and i wonder what his would be for me but i don’t think it would be too high either, hopefully
i got a 10…ive been feeling like its been entering the toxic/unhealthy side because of our growing distance, us being at different schools and not a lot of communication/contact
If you are both having trouble meeting each other’s needs it could be you’re both subconsciously afraid to get close or have what you want, therapy could help
I got a 3 and am delighted, in all honesty. I had an ex friend say some pretty awful things about my partner and – while it didn’t make me doubt them it made me doubt myself. After taking this quiz, I feel like I have some peace of mind. Although I did see a few things I wonder if I might do.
I feel that I and my partner still have things that we need to adjust and finally balance out everything, but I would not consider it toxic at any point yet.
Oh, man, I scored a 18… I really don’t want to be with her anymore, but whenever I’m about to break and leave, she somehow turns and sits me down. I am so hurt, so, so hurt…
My ex cheated on me when I was away for work, I called her and messaged, because I was in love, but didn’t know that she was with another bloke at his house. When I returned, she wanted a break, I was lost and confused because she said “I was suffocating her”, but in reality I was doing what I could, to make sure she was okay while I was away.
Going through this made me actually feel and thought of what I went through… I was put to blame for everything and I agreed that I was at fault, I also asked for us both to go through with professional couples counselling, but she got defensive. Even my parents told me I wasn’t myself anymore, I’ve committed so much into a toxic relationship, thinking it was me that was the problem.
With this new girl, I get very apologetic and made sure if I was doing the right thing or not. I have told her what happened to her and she’s so sweet and understanding.. Hugs me when I say I’m sorry for absolutely nothing… I am alive and happy again
I got 14. Yikes. Guess he did me a favor by breaking up with me even though it doesn’t feel like that right now and I miss him. Gotta stay strong and trust that time will help me let go.
I question my relationship occasionally, and my parents think that there’s some red flags, but idk if they’re like bad or not because I tend to look over them. I only got a score of 4, so its not awful. With effort, things can be worked out and fixed. My relationship is definitely on the better side of ones that I’ve been in
I got 13. Yes hes toxic, I currently am taking my antidepressants in secret because he told me they make me crazy and the government is using SSRI’s to control our minds. If I “don’t stop taking them” he threatened to leave. I don’t get space, he won’t let me go to another room by myself unless its FAST because he has bad bad separation anxiety and is controlling. Lol.
I got a 14 and he told me that my antidepressants make me crazy and in reality he’s the crazy one, he’s narcissist and tries to place the blame on me for how I act when I’m mad or sad lol, it’s sick stuff, I can’t believe that I let myself get treated like this but I hope the best for you and hopefully everyone including myself on here will realize their worth and leave but it’s so hard to just leave idk why.
One of the reasons it’s so hard to leave is because of the split in the personality…these people tend to have a really nice side and also a side of them that makes you feel bad for them, and they make you think the problem is you by taking your weak spots and focusing on them out of context…it’s very confusing and hard to walk away. It can be done though!
I got a 14 I knew it was toxic but didn’t know how bad my friends say I should leave her but oddly enough my mind won’t let me cause I’m afraid she might harm herself
i got a 18 after only being in this relationship for 3 years i am lost and confused hoping relationship counseling will help but he said hes going to let the therapist know its all my fault he so manipulating they may just believe him hes a counselor so he knows how to make himself look good and make me look like the problem its crazy i really love him but know i need to move forward
i got a 18 after only being in this relationship for 3 years i am lost and confused hoping relationship counseling will help but he said hes going to let the therapist know its all my fault he so manipulating they may just believe him hes a counselor so he knows how to make himself look good and make me look like the problem its crazy i really love him but know i need to move forward.
I received an 11. I honestly don’t think our relationship is that bad… my friends all say that he’s toxic because he’s messed up pretty bad… and he always tells me to make the decisions and he REFUSES therapy after witnessing a murder. He says he still has hallucinations sometimes… but I don’t know what to do anymore. He says he wouldn’t survive if we broke up but I feel so trapped. He never has time to talk to me (I can’t say much because I can’t either) but his reason is because of his family, mine is for all of my extracurriculars. When we CAN talk, all he does is watch his show. I feel ignored, unappreciated, and if I tell him how I feel, I feel like he’s going to freak out and hate himself. I don’t know what to do anymore…
I got a 19. I knew it was bad and so did everyone else. I kicked him out now he is harassing me and stalking me yet the police won’t do anything because they say he isn’t threatening me or causing bodily harm. I cant even get an epo because we aren’t married and we don’t have a child in common. Trying to figure out what to do now.
I got a 17 and idk what to do, he’s never hit me so I’m grateful for that but idk what to do I’m always stepping around egg shells around him, please I need help I’ve tried to leave 3 times, but he’s alway found a way to manipulate me back into the relationship, well I don’t have a choice, he never gives me a choice, he always makes me do stuff that I’m not comfortable with and if I stand up to him he hurts himself please help I’m 14 I shouldn’t be in a relationship where I can’t tell my parents what’s going on. Please everyone thinks I’m crazy.
If you bring out toxicity in each other, that’s not good for anyone. Also, are you both willing to work on yourselves…if you are willing to work on yourself and he isn’t, that will be difficult
My gf feels too clingy and I feel smothered but Idk how to break it to her because we were once healthy and I gave her a promise ring, but after that it started going down hill. Does anybody have any suggestions?
Dude, I am in the saaame position, she basically pushed me to give her the promise ring, and she controlls every aspect of my life, to the point that she told me once that she felt sad when we were apart for a few days because she cannot know for sure what I do, where I am, and who I am with. She makes these scenarios in her head that lead to her getting mad at me, even crying saying that in her head I cheated on her. I honestly don’t kow what to do bc, as in your case, we once had a very healthy relationship, everything started going downhill when she found out I have female friends (most of my schoolmates are female so I think it is natural), as she does not believe in male-female friendly relationships, although we were best friends before being a couple. I don’t know what to do.
Hi, it devastates me to write this post but… I got a 19. My boo bear and I have been partners for 30 years and all I want is to get married, even eloped as this point. However, my partner always dismisses the idea and says its “too capitalistic” and he wants our marriage to just be between us… and not in the hands on the government. I just don’t understand. Money is not an issue because I pay for 90% of the things we own. I am a very successful professor on the East Coast, I teach microbiology. We met through a network of people that were interested in exploring the collaboration of nature and clocks. A natural, nature inspired clock. I was instantly entranced. Now, my husband is an avid seller of said vintage clocks. It’s just so hard to leave knowing that he bought me my first chinchilla that was named Ticker. Just like a clock. My breaking point was when Ticker just stopped ticking. I can tell my time is running out, I can stand it much longer. My life is ticking away…. just like our love. Tik tok. Tik tok…
I got a 15- my boyfriend lives with me as he just got evicted. I just ended a marriage/relationship of 12 years, & so did he so we could be together. He doesn’t have a job, car or place to live. He doesn’t equally contribute to things and makes me feel like I have to abide by his schedule however we do have a lot of fun. I think I may just feel trapped because we had to live together
I got a 5. I don’t know what to do. It all started when he lost his father a few months back, and I had to go back to my hometown as I lost my job, so we are in a long-distance relationship now. He has become so reserved after that incident that he fails to express his love to me. Whenever I talk about it, he always describes how he feels, but that is it. We never could come to a discussion on how we can fix things. Although he does try his best to be all loving and caring, everything goes in vain. I know I should understand his situation, but it sometimes makes me lose my mind. I don’t want him to be depressed. I want to be there for and motivate him, but it messes up my mental health. I honestly don’t know what to do.
Got 17, kinda knew but really hard after 38 years, cheated twice that I know about, just recently found out he has a 20 year old daughter who he has been messaging on Instagram, he won’t leave, we run a business together but money is always paid into his bank, our daughter had a breakdown last year and was hospitalised, I feel so guilty but have no money and no where to go, lost family and friends years ago
I got a 19. I sometimes feel like the only male that goes through this. She is verbally abusive, tries to get a rise out of me, degrades me, has cheated and I forgave her, have tried to look at both points of view I’ve changed a lot about myself thinking it would make things better. I know I’m way to good for her, and am constantly wondering why she doesn’t love me the way I do her. I feel lost, alone and like there is nothing left in me. I know she’s the problem, but now I’ve already given up my apartment to move in with her, and cut off alot of my friends cause I didn’t want her to accuse me of anything. But of course it continues with accusations. She’s so evil and loves getting a rise out of me. Also never allows me to be in peace and be content. And now I feel like a loser cause I commented on this.
He’s so perfect though, everything he does is amazing. He has mental health problems himself and is dealing with a lot, so he can’t always be here. Does that mean he’s a bad person or that I should leave? i dont know
I got an 13, i always knew things were toxic i just don’t have the heart to leave her… then again she does had mental issues… i know thats not an excuse but still i’m not ready yet..
yes i feel for you that’s what i am going through however i don’t know that i should leave him we have been together for so long and i love him so i don’t really know what to do
i got a 7.. it broke my heart. I love him. I just can’t do toxic relationships, I’m done with them. I just can’t spot them before i get taken advantage of.
This was a good quiz 👍
I got an 18…i kinda knew….i feel so lost
I can understand. I know with mine as well. I also feel lost.
I got 17
i got a 15 and idk what to do like we dont hit eachother or anything its more like mental abuse.
17 and I’m so lost and alone. Being an loving optimistic empath under the thumb of an explosive narssasist that can’t control His emotions and temper. One day he will kill me. So I Stay away as much as I can but if we didn’t have a 4 year old I would have been gone years ago.
I’m hoping if you really feel he’s capable of hurting you that you will put your safety first and reach out to a domestic violence hotline or another resource that can help you create a safety plan!
Me and her broke up like 3 days ago and I know our relationship was toxic. But I feel like she was cheating also.
I got and 18, I kinda knew that my girlfriend was narsisctic. Every time I try and express my problems with her behaviour to her she belittles them and acts like it’s all my fault. She also mocked me in public in front of my friends and does things to purposely annoy me everyday, and as I go to boarding school with her I can never have some time and space away from her I’m only 15 and I just don’t know what to do anymore.
Please take care of yourself even though times are hard ❤️
The same i am going through. its verbal, mental abuse.
Very rarely physical.
I live in a state where I don’t know anyone because of him. He moved me out here. I don’t know where to go.
Find a way to go home. In the mean time is there a women’s shelter in your area?
In the same position but am a dude (22m) did this to myself… hope you get things figured out.
Same here for me as well. I got a 19. My family wants nothing to do with me, not even my children because of him. And when I reach out to them, they just tell me I did it to myself and that they can’t help me or help me find help i get it from all sides. I didn’t ask to be born
I can’t support myself. Idk what to do. I need to leave, got an 18
I got a 15 and i I kinda Believe it he’s made me choose between me or my family and now I lost me family, we always fight but the second I say we’re done or I wanna break up he changes to a whole new person and convinces me to stay but his change never lasts long and he’s always calling me retarded, blaming everything on me having no common since
maybe a good first step is to reconnect with family or with others outside the relationship so you’re less isolated and more empowered
I got16 been doing this dance for 14 years and it just won’t get better 😔
i’m so sorry
Got the same score and going through the same issue
I got the same score as you, and I have also been called these names. You’re not alone. We will get through it. It’s just so hard when I know the lows outweigh the highs in this situation. But I’m not strong enough to leave.
Same here. Just not there yet to leave.
I got a 15! I already knew it was coming, after finding out he cheated for over a year, plus he still works with girl and has kept some of the things she has given to him as gifts, I just feel it’s hopeless but moving on is not easy!
I got a 13. I just told my husband I’m leaving him, got my own place, and now he’s switched on me and has become a charmer. I’m so out of my mind from living and dealing with him, tired of walking on eggshells, and emotionally depleted. It’s literally killing me on the inside
The bravery! Proud of you. You actually left. Don’t let the snake charm his way back into your happiness. I wish I could do the same.
I got a 3, so that’s good?
Me and my boyfriend just got in a really..really bad fight..and it’s been bothering me nonstop so I’ve been bailing my eyes out.. he says we fight a lot when we’ve only fought twice this whole month and this is our first time fighting..but, they’ve both been “big” I guess the last one wasn’t huge but, it did a role on his mental health thinking I deserve better..I love him so much but, he just keeps thinking what I need like that I need someone better when I really just want me and him to work out..I’m just a kid, but, I’ve have plenty of toxic relationships..and I’m just scared that maybe I’m so used to them I turn them into a toxic relationship…I’m not going to lie, I’m scared to lose him..for more than one reason, we both love each other, but, last night he said something I’ll never forget… “i really don’t but i feel like it would be the best for both of us, maybe not right away, but given time i feel like it would help the fights “
I don’t want to do that…at all and we talked about it and we both don’t want to break up.. why did it go to the supreme like it did..how can I fix this what should I do??
I got a 17!! I knew it was bad everyone else knows it too but wow
Sorry to hear…but it’s good to know what you’re dealing with;
It happens to guys too…
For sure
I got a 6 is this ok? I think im still lost
i also got 17 ):
I got 19
Me too :((
Looks like I’m the lowest. 9
Lol lucky you
I got 8
I got an 17 this is just a man I’ve been dating now for 6yrs May 23, 2023. Yes it’s a toxic relationship I know. But I’m leaving and not looking back I have two boys they are not his but I’m strong I don’t like to be disrespected, shamed or treated bad before we started dating it took me a long time to humble myself and not to be domestic and abusive because I’ll fight a man and not care but jail is not for me I changed because I had kids not for a man and I will never for a man. I hope all you woman that are in this mess get away or you men that in this get way and live free you just have to have the heart and the strength and just know to Love and put yourself first it works because I left him 2 days ago and never looked back because my mental, my health and my children come first ✌🏾💜
17, Same. it sucks that I have to do a test to see what I can already see or feel in an objective mindset. On the other hand also a good confirmation. Little bit of self compassion goes along way. Good luck to you.
I completely agree. I intentionally searched for this quiz because I felt like I was just overreacting or being too sensitive, even though I see the problems at hand. I took this quiz because I just needed a extra push to end it with them all together.
Yes extremely well-said!!!
Even with getting a 17 it’s still difficult to move forward… I feel if I do I’m abandoning… but if I stay.. I don’t know how to move forward.
I got a 13
Didn’t know it was that bad
Well got 5 but i rlly dont know if im overreacting or is it really bad
14…
I have a 15 .. even though I felt the relationship was getting toxic before taking this test
same
I got 18.
He always blames me for everything that goes wrong in his life, believing that I made the choices for him even after I’ve told him he’s free to do what makes him happy.
He accuses me of cheating and says I’m not as perfect as I think I am (not true. My friends know I have self esteem issue)
Now I dread seeing him. I’ve asked for divorce but he refuses.
You don’t need his permission for a divorce. Go to the court house and file. They will take it from there. If he doesn’t show up, the judge will grant your divorce. That’s how I got my divorce.
Have you stayed together?
18. Ouch. I knew things were bad, when three different places I’ve worked, my co workers have come to me and said “girl, he’s terrible, you gotta get out of there.” This validates a lot.
The Betrayal Bond by Patrick Carnes is a good book to read
I got a 20 , it’s bad here in my house
i scored 20 im living with my ex you could say that lol im on the lease/only one on it but i legally cant kick him out
You can file an eviction notice or even a restraining order.
I’ve got a 15. I have everything I need to leave. A job, a place to live, but he’s being “nice” right now and I don’t know how to start the process of leaving because we are not arguing right now.
If I say I’m leaving he’ll say we are not arguing and he didn’t do anything wrong this time.
Like I can only leave when he messes up again.
I’m tired and scared. Not to mention the shame.
I had mentioned this before but the book “The Betrayal Bond” might be helpful
This is my exact situation. With the same score except i don’t have my own place rn
Interesting
I tested as observing my partner which was a 10, and tested as my partner observing me and I was a 9. We both have our problems lacking what the other wants or the disconnect from each other’s views. How do we reach a understanding of one another?
Bro same I got 15🤭
I got a 10. What’s worse is that I can’t leave him because we are like magnets. He always finds a way back into my life no matter what and i always go back with him and end up getting hurt. Every time.
That’s one of the hardest parts of dealing with this type of personality…it’s easy to get manipulated or seduced back in over and over again
I have been in a toxic relationship for 17 years he is my husband I have 4 wonderful children with him. I don’t know how to Overcome this marriage I pretty much do everything for this man pay all the bills pay all his bills n I just feel like he just married me to be his atm machine. I’m so disgusted on a man who is my husband could be so cruel and not appreciate me once. But most of all upset on myself
Is he contributing to the household, like caring for the children and maintaining the home? If not, stop paying his bills.
AMEN!!! I feel this 100%!!!
i got 11 and same its the worst
I have the same problem, but in the end I miss him terribly:(
I know!! Same here. It’s been 10 years and I can’t just go. What if i am toxic as well. I’m so helpless
i feel the same way with my ex. she always wants me to come back and gets obsessed with me.
This is the exact way I feel
i got a 17 and I feel the exact same way. my ex (for now ig) has hurt me so many times, but every time he sees me starting to pull away and realize how manipulative and toxic he’s being, he apologizes and pulls me right back in. this type of situation is really hard to get out of and i’ve been trying for about 5 years. these people know how to control the way you’re feeling and get whatever they want. in my experience, they only apologize or are kind when it is convenient for them. they don’t really care about the way you’re feeling they just make it seem like they do so they can manipulate you to get what they want whenever they want it. these relationships are so bad for your mental health and i’d suggest just cutting off all contact with this person, even though it may be hard. it will be better for your mental health in the long run and if you’re worried about hurting them, just know that the only thing you’re doing is slightly ‘inconveniencing’ this person because they’re no longer able to manipulate and gaslight you. i wish you the best of luck with this relationship. stay safe <3
I just left my toxic lover after he gave me the silent treatment for asking him to respect my boundaries. The crazy part is that I want him back. He’s terrible. Took advantage of me when things were good. He can make me feel worthless. And, I want him back. I think of him all the time. If he calls, I know that I’ll answer the phone and be right back under his spell. I need help.
That sounds hard. You could definitely benefit from finding someone objective to talk to you about it. Sometimes we need someone outside the situation to help us pull out.
I feel the same wsy
I feel the same
I’m kind of in the same trap. Only I can’t seem to move forward. I got a 17 on the test, which is what I needed to validate. Like you, I see what’s going on, no I’m not happy, but I can’t seem to let her go. For a long time now as long as she was happy, I was ok. Even though I was going numb. But it was ok. We also have 4 kiddos. If i left ide feel like i abandoned them. Which I’m not ok with. But it’s getting toxic. I’ve asked myself, follow my heart or do the right thing and can’t get a grasp. So is it that we are in love with our other half or do we get comfortable.
I scored a twenty, walk away . Mine is bi polar and brings her boyfriends home as soon as I can she gone
The issue is that even though they’re toxic, they start to act understanding and kind when they know you’re on the verge of snapping. It’s best you find someone who provides that, without the toxicity. It’s not too hard because there’s some really decent people out there.
I’m kind of in the same trap. Only I can’t seem to move forward. I got a 17 on the test, which is what I needed to validate. Like you, I see what’s going on, no I’m not happy, but I can’t seem to let her go. For a long time now as long as she was happy, I was ok. Even though I was going numb. But it was ok. We also have 4 kiddos. If i left ide feel like i abandoned them. Which I’m not ok with. But it’s getting toxic. I’ve asked myself, follow my heart or do the right thing and can’t get a grasp. So is it that we are in love with our other half or do we get comfortable.
I am currently going through the same thing but it’s my beliefs that are helping me day by day and my sisters. It’s literally your choice on what makes you happy girl. If you feel you can be happier without him then work on it, do what you need to do and know that it’ll take time and strength but if you feel best when you are with him then more power to you. It’s not him that matters most but your happiness because it’ll be a path you choose to take in life.
I broke up with ny bf coz I always get the blame and I fix our relationship alone. Then he wanted to start over but he puts no effort and let me do it alone.
Sounds like it might be time to try to find a new boyfriend 🙂
We are engaged and he keeps saying he’s gonna change then doesn’t and says “I’m trying” “don’t you know I’m trying” “can’t you tell” “you know how I am” “I’m sorry but I did it because blah blah” “I’m having a bad day” it’s been going on for months and months. And he always makes me feel bad, and uses mental health as an excuse even tho I have mental illness too. I was understanding and helping him change and basically being his therapist but the last month I can’t do it anymore I’m getting mean
It’s hard to walk away from someone who guilts you and knows what to say to keep you there
I got 15 this is going to hard to walk away from after 7 years
Yeah it is really hard…but it’s going to be hard whenever you do it so waiting just prolongs the toxicity
I am in the exact same position. It always ends up with him saying how he doesn’t know what he is going to do. How he will end up on his mom’s couch and have to figure it out from there. Which to some people doesn’t sound like manipulation but the mannerisms, tone and approach to these statements are done in a way that he expects me to fix it for him like everything else.
I just feel like a walking ATM who not only gives money but is supposed to listen to everything thing that comes out of his mouth without expecting anyone, let alone him, caring about how I am or how my day went let alone my needs or wants.
That’s hard…my course is available to help…feel free to email me for the link to sign up at mirelgoldstein@gmail.com
Yup
I got a 9 but I reversed it and took it from what I thought my boyfriends perspective would be and now I feel really bad cuz I’m the toxic one in the relationship
It can be really hard to know who the toxic person is if you’re with someone who is manipulative…but sometimes we do also have to work on ourselves
You may also have been gaslit hard. Youre the one caring enough to take the quiz and reflect, not him. Go easy on yourself!
I felt this one, I’ve been working on myself through inspirational videos on YouTube. They have opened my eyes about myself. I want to be a better me. But there’s no growth in the relation. This was with a deeper understanding on what a relationship/partnership should be, I’m noticing key details about her to. Only she doesn’t see what I clearly see.. then I feel bad then I’m saying sorry for bringing it up .
I got a 13, it’s hard to decide considering I’m super close with his family and last time we had a break we ended up back together. I just don’t think I’m happy anymore. I can’t just leave tho
A good book to read is called The Betrayal Bond by Patrick Carnes
I used this as a way to determine a friendship relationship. Ouch. I don’t think they were the problem I think just together we weren’t a good pair.
Sometimes when we take an objective look at things we can get surprised!
I’m tired of being manipulated. This is the millionth time that I told he needs to work on his communication, there is absolutely no need for him to ignore me for days and days and days I’m tired I’m sick I feel mentally drained. This isn’t the first time he ignored me. I get it that when we get into arguments, you might want to take some time off from your partner. But is this?!? Ignoring me for days straight….this is mentally draining I have the MCATS coming up, I am tired I don’t want to deal with him he is toxic.
Being manipulated is hard, but you can only focus on you and your limits and choices
*laughter* ah, to be sixteen, young, and fresh out of a toxic relationship, thinking everything that went wrong was wholly your fault!
If only I could smack myself in the face with these test results back then.
Same man.. I’m so glad this text is available— I am sixteen and my relationship with someone two years older than me ended in the most insane way. I blamed myself for every single disagreement and prioritized that person over my own needs only to be ghosted and blamed. Awful..
That is quite awful!
I got an 18 and really don’t know what to do. I feel more trapped and responsible for his happiness it’s pushing me into a big depression.
I recommended a book called the “Betrayal Bond” which night be helpful as well as the book “The Illusion of Love” by David Celani.
I got 14. My partner and I had a very rocky start to our relationship. Where she did not sexually respect my boundaries and gaslit me into doing sexual things with her. Upon confrontation (took a lot of courage), she started crying and made it about how she felt like an abuser instead of giving me a proper apology. But she did change and it was visible.
But she runs away every time we have conflict, I have to chase after her, trying to make her talk and resolve our issues. I see that I too have not been perfect, there have been times I also got very defensive when we were talking but in the end, I understood and apologized. Lately every 8-10 days, she brings up something trivial like a social media post, and then start a fight. With time I too have been feeling that I have reached my limit, consequently, I have started getting defensive and dismissive. Which is really toxic, and I should work on it too.
But in her case, even when I bring up something that bothers me, she will make me feel guilty, the conversation will go to some other tangent and in the end, I will be the one to apologize again.
I have suggested that she should go for therapy, but she always says stuff like I do not believe in it etc. I went for therapy for 2 years, and I am thinking to go again. Because it really helped, but I don’t know what to do with her.
I do love my girlfriend and care about her deeply, but every few days I feel like I am on the edge, walking on eggshells. It does feel like our relationship is unhealthy, therapy is the only way to make it work, but my partner refuses to go.
It sounds like you have a lot of great insight about the relationship, it can be really hard to let go of a relationship that’s unhealthy when there are also things we love about the other person, and when sometimes it seems like things are getting better! Therapy for you definitely sounds like it can help
Holy hell I felt this one, I literally just read my relationship… only difference is there are 4 little ones in my truth. We’ve been together 8yrs. And I truly don’t know who I am today. Everything in me has told me to move on. You deserve to feel happiness. I just can’t seem to go through with it. I’ve packed my things in the middle of the night, kissed my kids goodnight on their little foreheads, tell the in whisper I will forever love them, get in my vehicle, start to leave. Tears in my eyes and a burning in my chest, I hit the brakes. And I’m rushing to put my stuff back in place be ause I don’t want them to know what just happened…. I wont abandon my kids. But I see what’s going to happen staying… I’m sorry for the long reply, your comment kind of hit home.. I’ve never told a soul about that..
Anonymous Holy hell I felt this one, I literally just read my relationship… only difference is there are 4 little ones in my truth. We’ve been together 8yrs. And I truly don’t know who I am today. Everything in me has told me to move on. You deserve to feel happiness. I just can’t seem to go through with it. I’ve packed my things in the middle of the night, kissed my kids goodnight on their little foreheads, tell the in whisper I will forever love them, get in my vehicle, start to leave. Tears in my eyes and a burning in my chest, I hit the brakes. And I’m rushing to put my stuff back in place be ause I don’t want them to know what just happened…. I wont abandon my kids. But I see what’s going to happen staying… I’m sorry for the long reply, your comment kind of hit home.. I’ve never told a soul about that..
That’s a really hard one…of course no one wants to abandon their kids!
Just want to remind of you that I have an online course that can teach you how to set better limits with your partner even if you decide not to leave, email me at mirel@httpgoldsteintherapycom.kinsta.cloud for the link to sign up
this sounds like my story.
I got 10, I want to cry because I didn’t want to believe it
I GOT A 17 I HAVE KNOWN HE WAS TOXIC AND I JUST HOLD MY FEELINGS IN THAT WAY I DONT HAVE TO DEAL WITH HIS TEMPERMENT. THE GETTING IGNORED FOR DAYS THE COLD SHOULDER AND THE BAD ATTITUDE IS STARTING TO GET TO ME AND TO A POINT WHERE IM ABOUT TO BREAK. DAYS GO BY WITH NO TALKING AND THEN OUT THE BLUE HE SMILES AT ME AND I JUST SMILE BACK TO AVOID ANOTHER DAY SILENCE. I KNOW ITS TIME FOR ME TO LEAVE IM NOT HAPPY AT ALL I DONT KNOW WHAT KEEPS ME HERE WE HAVE NO KIDS TOGETHER ALL MY CHILDREN ARE GROWN FROM MY LAST RELATIONSHIP AND HE WAS TOXIC TO I DID 12YRS IN THAT RELATIONSHIP AND I ENDED UP BROKEN TOOK ME A LONG TIME TO FIND MYSELF. WLL IM BACK TO A PLACE I PROMISED TO NOT EVER GO BACK TO IM 8YRS IN NOW. MY ISSUE IS I TRY TO FIX THE BROKEN AND I END UP BROKEN AT THE END.
I got a 14 , i know how the relationship is but i cant seem to leave and i dont know whats stopping me cause i know it isnt food for me to stay in it when nothing is changing
A couple good books to read on this are “the betrayal bond” and “the illusion of love”
14…i was scared to see the results…i was almost hoping i was wrong and it is all in my head…i took 1 before this and tried to be honest in answering so i could find out it i was a manipulator…resulted in finding out yes but to a small degree “as a last resort” it said…i don’t know how i feel…i’m at a point where i’ll probably take another test for more validation…whats worst is we were in a relationship before and i left…and he made me feel guilty for leaving…and kept badgering me to get back with him…out of guilt i kept communicating…he’s close to my family…he reminds me how much i only have him who cares about me…because my family treat me so bad…i have no one…
i’m not perfect…i get aggressive at times…and i try to acknowledge. when i’m wrong and apologize…i hardly ever gets an apology and when i do its sometimes insincere and only to shut me up from speaking on the issue at hand…he’ll literally do all of this and say “i’m not wrong and i’m not sorry”…i try to set boundaries and he crosses them all the time and makes me feel guilty for having them…we’re even together becuz i told him i didn’t want to be with him ever again…and he still puts me through so much emotional strain…happy for this forum to be able to express myself…if anyone reads this please know that you matter…stay blessed.
Omg! Mine says this to me now because I left him before and I just did it again!
(whats worst is we were in a relationship before and i left…and he made me feel guilty for leaving…and kept badgering me to get back with him…out of guilt i kept communicating…he’s close to my family…he reminds me how much i only have him who cares about me…because my family treat me so bad…i have no one…)
He just said this to me yesterday actually! It makes me sick. I am so sorry you are going through this.
I got an 18 and I knew it, just never wanted to admit it to myself. Seeing I left him, is making him so mean with his words and is constantly calling or texting me and telling me that he may find someone else soon. Knowing very well that makes me have high anxiety and panic with the thought of him with someone else because I still love him. But I had to get away, I did everything for him and I mean everything and I wasn’t able to really visit my family without him constantly wanting to know what I was doing. He’s driving me insane. I wish he would just stop.
Good for you for walking away!
Hang in there, stay strong as you were as you walked away, you don’t need him and he’s apparently not good for you.
I got a 14. This is about my best friend. I think I am going to ghost her because she has been gaslighting me and displaying many signs of toxic behavior. She is a narcissist and I always feel like I’m walking on eggshells when I hang out with her. She makes me out to be the mean one and always starts fights for no reason and makes me apologize. I didn’t know she was toxic all this time. It’s always been that way but my mom, to this day thinks we are both the problem which makes me rethink my decision and question myself. My mom also yells at me a lot and gets mad if I yell back, even if she is also in the wrong. Yes, my ex bsf and I do have some of the same issues, but I would never treat a friend that way. She has literally started a fight with me because I asked for her cousin’s snap\. She said, “I can’t believe you didn’t expect me to react like this.” “Why can’t you respect my decision?” She didn’t want me to add him because he was family but when I reminded her that she had my older sister added she didn’t respond. After explaining everything to my mom, she still think part of it is my fault, which makes me feel so guilty even though I know I did nothing wrong. Everything has to be her way. With her family and with her friends too. Now that I think about it, she has manipulated me so many times that I got used to it and didn’t even recognize it as toxic behavior.
It’s good that you’re recognizing the patterns now!
I got a 14.. I searched for this quiz because every time I bring up even the smallest issue, no matter how nice about it I am, he immediately flips it on me and says I’m just too negative and I only look for the bad in him. If I didn’t immediately back down, he’d go on to say that I have issues too but he doesn’t address them because he doesn’t feel the need to. I’d usually shut down about that time in the argument, but I finally took it a step further. After I pointed out that he always tries to turn things around on me, he kept calling me crazy and delusional, saying that if I want to be done, we can just be done but that there’s no going back after that. We live together. We have three kids.. I don’t know what to do.. I told him last night that I was done because he would not take an ounce of blame for anything. It was all my fault. He didn’t spend enough time with his kid, my fault. He did nothing but play games and watch YouTube on his phone, also my fault. I got so angry that I just gave up. Told him I’d take the kids and leave. And if him being right really meant that much to him, it was going to cost him his family. After taking this quiz, I finally don’t feel crazy for my decision. But I really hope he’s willing to work on this, because I don’t want my kids growing up in a broken home like I did.. and I do love him, more than anyone I’ve loved before. I just hope he feels the same.
You’re not crazy, you coming here to do the quiz is the best prove of that, this is in my opinion one of the worse things that can happen in a relationship, he making you question your sanity, I admire your strength and not everyone can take or think abt taking such decisions unfortunately.
I was in such a relationship 3 years ago and I’m still recovering even though I’m already in another relationship which is pretty ok, I sometimes wonder if I’m ever to recover from it.
I got 6 lol I guess we’re fine . Still need to work on a couple issues we encounter but it’s nothing major. Overall he’s a very good man
i wish i got that low. for some reason even though i get pushed around and treated bad and I KNOW i deserve better, i just cant leave. i love him too much. im just stuck.
Even if you’re not ready or able to leave, it might be a good first step to start making more boundaries for yourself in the relationship
I got 15 and it sucks because I’m just so scared and I don’t know how too get out of it because I care so much and we have an entire life together and I don’t want it too end I just want him too change and I am changing too be better too it just sucks I feel like I’m always on eggshells like if I do one thing wrong I’m screwed if I say the wrong thing it will cause for so much fights I am just lost
I’m very sorry to hear that, that sounds a lot like how my parents are, it’s never too late to change stuff in your life, waiting for something magical to happen will make it only worse, I’d talk to a therapist or a neutral person abt it
I got 8
My gf has borderline disorder, but not a severe one tho, she realizes often when she does or act out of her borderline personality, and tries to work on it.
I have some borderline issues as well,
I’ve been feeling stuck now for a year or so and feeling that the relationship is consuming me, even tho if I wanted to do something or practice a hobby, I can just say it and my gf understands, she needs A LOT of attention tho, so it might be that she kinda distracts me all the time and I can’t do a thing abt it, I don’t have the control over it, even tho I’m an adult and I should be able to decide where to put my attention.
BUT my father used to blame my mom for everything bad that happens in his life and I’m aware of the fact that I, subconsciously, do that too, unfortunately.
So that’s where I’m stuck now and have been for last year or more, and don’t seem to find the answer even after years of therapy
Ay I hope you’re doing good now and I understand because I actually have bpd too. It can be hard for relationships. I only got a 5 for my boyfriend and i wonder what his would be for me but i don’t think it would be too high either, hopefully
i got a 10…ive been feeling like its been entering the toxic/unhealthy side because of our growing distance, us being at different schools and not a lot of communication/contact
I got a 5
14! Wow. I guess I wasn’t imagining it all
If you are both having trouble meeting each other’s needs it could be you’re both subconsciously afraid to get close or have what you want, therapy could help
I got an 18. 🙁
I got a 7, but I felt like my relationship was going so well… 🙁
I got a 3 and am delighted, in all honesty. I had an ex friend say some pretty awful things about my partner and – while it didn’t make me doubt them it made me doubt myself. After taking this quiz, I feel like I have some peace of mind. Although I did see a few things I wonder if I might do.
Sometimes clarity helps a lot!!
15 that’s not good but I guess I knew it hence taking this quiz…. any advice about being stuck in the relationship and unable to leave?!
Are you unable to leave for practical reasons or emotional ones?
I got a 3… thats so close to a four tho.
12🤦🏾
I got an 8.
I feel that I and my partner still have things that we need to adjust and finally balance out everything, but I would not consider it toxic at any point yet.
I got a 16 …. 😞 I was hoping for different.
Oh, man, I scored a 18… I really don’t want to be with her anymore, but whenever I’m about to break and leave, she somehow turns and sits me down. I am so hurt, so, so hurt…
Yeah I think that part is crazy making, when no one else sees what you see
I got 18 I’ve known just so hard to let go🥺
I got a 15 which confirmed my suspicions. He can be so mean and the worst part is everyone thinks he is an amazing guy and I am the crazy one.
I scored an 18
My ex cheated on me when I was away for work, I called her and messaged, because I was in love, but didn’t know that she was with another bloke at his house. When I returned, she wanted a break, I was lost and confused because she said “I was suffocating her”, but in reality I was doing what I could, to make sure she was okay while I was away.
Going through this made me actually feel and thought of what I went through… I was put to blame for everything and I agreed that I was at fault, I also asked for us both to go through with professional couples counselling, but she got defensive. Even my parents told me I wasn’t myself anymore, I’ve committed so much into a toxic relationship, thinking it was me that was the problem.
With this new girl, I get very apologetic and made sure if I was doing the right thing or not. I have told her what happened to her and she’s so sweet and understanding.. Hugs me when I say I’m sorry for absolutely nothing… I am alive and happy again
The first sign of being in a toxic relationship is taking this test
……. we just broke up :((((
……. we just broke up :((( and she kicked me OUT OF mY HOUSE
and i got 5
I got 14. Yikes. Guess he did me a favor by breaking up with me even though it doesn’t feel like that right now and I miss him. Gotta stay strong and trust that time will help me let go.
I question my relationship occasionally, and my parents think that there’s some red flags, but idk if they’re like bad or not because I tend to look over them. I only got a score of 4, so its not awful. With effort, things can be worked out and fixed. My relationship is definitely on the better side of ones that I’ve been in
I got 13. Yes hes toxic, I currently am taking my antidepressants in secret because he told me they make me crazy and the government is using SSRI’s to control our minds. If I “don’t stop taking them” he threatened to leave. I don’t get space, he won’t let me go to another room by myself unless its FAST because he has bad bad separation anxiety and is controlling. Lol.
I got a 14 and he told me that my antidepressants make me crazy and in reality he’s the crazy one, he’s narcissist and tries to place the blame on me for how I act when I’m mad or sad lol, it’s sick stuff, I can’t believe that I let myself get treated like this but I hope the best for you and hopefully everyone including myself on here will realize their worth and leave but it’s so hard to just leave idk why.
One of the reasons it’s so hard to leave is because of the split in the personality…these people tend to have a really nice side and also a side of them that makes you feel bad for them, and they make you think the problem is you by taking your weak spots and focusing on them out of context…it’s very confusing and hard to walk away. It can be done though!
I got a 14 I knew it was toxic but didn’t know how bad my friends say I should leave her but oddly enough my mind won’t let me cause I’m afraid she might harm herself
I got 17
I’m still in relationship with her and I love her so much, scared of losing her but am dying 😞
It can be hard to separate even from someone who is toxic for us
Yeah 😞
I got 18 I’ve known just so hard to let go🥺
i got 6
i got a 18 after only being in this relationship for 3 years i am lost and confused hoping relationship counseling will help but he said hes going to let the therapist know its all my fault he so manipulating they may just believe him hes a counselor so he knows how to make himself look good and make me look like the problem its crazy i really love him but know i need to move forward
i got a 18 after only being in this relationship for 3 years i am lost and confused hoping relationship counseling will help but he said hes going to let the therapist know its all my fault he so manipulating they may just believe him hes a counselor so he knows how to make himself look good and make me look like the problem its crazy i really love him but know i need to move forward.
13
Yes , it happends to guys too .
Im in a relationship with the love of my life , we’re having a ruff time right now and i got a 15 ..
I received an 11. I honestly don’t think our relationship is that bad… my friends all say that he’s toxic because he’s messed up pretty bad… and he always tells me to make the decisions and he REFUSES therapy after witnessing a murder. He says he still has hallucinations sometimes… but I don’t know what to do anymore. He says he wouldn’t survive if we broke up but I feel so trapped. He never has time to talk to me (I can’t say much because I can’t either) but his reason is because of his family, mine is for all of my extracurriculars. When we CAN talk, all he does is watch his show. I feel ignored, unappreciated, and if I tell him how I feel, I feel like he’s going to freak out and hate himself. I don’t know what to do anymore…
12.
I got a 19. I knew it was bad and so did everyone else. I kicked him out now he is harassing me and stalking me yet the police won’t do anything because they say he isn’t threatening me or causing bodily harm. I cant even get an epo because we aren’t married and we don’t have a child in common. Trying to figure out what to do now.
I got 14 i’m not surprised at all though
I got a 2
I got a 17 and idk what to do, he’s never hit me so I’m grateful for that but idk what to do I’m always stepping around egg shells around him, please I need help I’ve tried to leave 3 times, but he’s alway found a way to manipulate me back into the relationship, well I don’t have a choice, he never gives me a choice, he always makes me do stuff that I’m not comfortable with and if I stand up to him he hurts himself please help I’m 14 I shouldn’t be in a relationship where I can’t tell my parents what’s going on. Please everyone thinks I’m crazy.
maybe an al-anon meeting could help
Should I break up with my boyfriend if he is being mean and toxic even though I am a bit toxic myself.
If you bring out toxicity in each other, that’s not good for anyone. Also, are you both willing to work on yourselves…if you are willing to work on yourself and he isn’t, that will be difficult
Looks like my bf is toxic I got a 1
if you have to take this quiz, it’s most likely the partner is toxic.
My gf feels too clingy and I feel smothered but Idk how to break it to her because we were once healthy and I gave her a promise ring, but after that it started going down hill. Does anybody have any suggestions?
Dude, I am in the saaame position, she basically pushed me to give her the promise ring, and she controlls every aspect of my life, to the point that she told me once that she felt sad when we were apart for a few days because she cannot know for sure what I do, where I am, and who I am with. She makes these scenarios in her head that lead to her getting mad at me, even crying saying that in her head I cheated on her. I honestly don’t kow what to do bc, as in your case, we once had a very healthy relationship, everything started going downhill when she found out I have female friends (most of my schoolmates are female so I think it is natural), as she does not believe in male-female friendly relationships, although we were best friends before being a couple. I don’t know what to do.
Hi, it devastates me to write this post but… I got a 19. My boo bear and I have been partners for 30 years and all I want is to get married, even eloped as this point. However, my partner always dismisses the idea and says its “too capitalistic” and he wants our marriage to just be between us… and not in the hands on the government. I just don’t understand. Money is not an issue because I pay for 90% of the things we own. I am a very successful professor on the East Coast, I teach microbiology. We met through a network of people that were interested in exploring the collaboration of nature and clocks. A natural, nature inspired clock. I was instantly entranced. Now, my husband is an avid seller of said vintage clocks. It’s just so hard to leave knowing that he bought me my first chinchilla that was named Ticker. Just like a clock. My breaking point was when Ticker just stopped ticking. I can tell my time is running out, I can stand it much longer. My life is ticking away…. just like our love. Tik tok. Tik tok…
I got a 15- my boyfriend lives with me as he just got evicted. I just ended a marriage/relationship of 12 years, & so did he so we could be together. He doesn’t have a job, car or place to live. He doesn’t equally contribute to things and makes me feel like I have to abide by his schedule however we do have a lot of fun. I think I may just feel trapped because we had to live together
I got a 5. I don’t know what to do. It all started when he lost his father a few months back, and I had to go back to my hometown as I lost my job, so we are in a long-distance relationship now. He has become so reserved after that incident that he fails to express his love to me. Whenever I talk about it, he always describes how he feels, but that is it. We never could come to a discussion on how we can fix things. Although he does try his best to be all loving and caring, everything goes in vain. I know I should understand his situation, but it sometimes makes me lose my mind. I don’t want him to be depressed. I want to be there for and motivate him, but it messes up my mental health. I honestly don’t know what to do.
I got a 16 i’m in 8th grade dealing with anxiety and an eating disorder and he always makes me feel bad about myself i wish he would just understand!!
Got 17, kinda knew but really hard after 38 years, cheated twice that I know about, just recently found out he has a 20 year old daughter who he has been messaging on Instagram, he won’t leave, we run a business together but money is always paid into his bank, our daughter had a breakdown last year and was hospitalised, I feel so guilty but have no money and no where to go, lost family and friends years ago
I got a 19. I sometimes feel like the only male that goes through this. She is verbally abusive, tries to get a rise out of me, degrades me, has cheated and I forgave her, have tried to look at both points of view I’ve changed a lot about myself thinking it would make things better. I know I’m way to good for her, and am constantly wondering why she doesn’t love me the way I do her. I feel lost, alone and like there is nothing left in me. I know she’s the problem, but now I’ve already given up my apartment to move in with her, and cut off alot of my friends cause I didn’t want her to accuse me of anything. But of course it continues with accusations. She’s so evil and loves getting a rise out of me. Also never allows me to be in peace and be content. And now I feel like a loser cause I commented on this.
He’s so perfect though, everything he does is amazing. He has mental health problems himself and is dealing with a lot, so he can’t always be here. Does that mean he’s a bad person or that I should leave? i dont know
I did this with my relationship with my girlfriend and I got two, I did it with my relationship with mother and I got 17
I got an 13, i always knew things were toxic i just don’t have the heart to leave her… then again she does had mental issues… i know thats not an excuse but still i’m not ready yet..
yes i feel for you that’s what i am going through however i don’t know that i should leave him we have been together for so long and i love him so i don’t really know what to do
i got a 7.. it broke my heart. I love him. I just can’t do toxic relationships, I’m done with them. I just can’t spot them before i get taken advantage of.