How to Protect Your Child (or Yourself) from the Harmful Effects of Living with a Toxic or Emotionally Unstable Family Member
Listen, most of us know when someone is not good for us…but sometimes we try not to think about it.
Does your partner respect you?
Being controlled, manipulated, or undermined can be so subtle that you may not even realize how much of yourself you’ve lost.
Is your partner a good role model for your children? Responsible? Reasonable? Capable of empathy? Honest? Able to apologize? Kind?
Many times we excuse and deny problems that are clearly staring us right in the face…not because we want to, because when you don’t know what to do about a situation, minimizing it can be so much easier than feeling frustrated and helpless and shutting down. Denial or dissociation help us cope, go on.
And sometimes even when your gut keeps telling you all along that something’s wrong, your partner puts on such a good façade in front of others that you wonder if you’re just imagining things. Or if anyone would believe that you’re not the one with the problem.
And your best qualities may be putting you at a disadvantage. Being an empathetic or successful person can be very threatening if your partner is insecure…and you are seen as the threat.
𝗔𝗹𝘀𝗼, 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂’𝗿𝗲 𝗮 𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻, 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘀𝗲𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝗻𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝘆𝘀𝗳𝘂𝗻𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘇𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗻𝗲𝗿 𝗶𝘀 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗿𝘆 𝗼𝗿 𝗶𝗺𝗽𝘂𝗹𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗼𝗿 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝗿 𝗽𝗼𝘀𝘀𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝘀𝗼 𝗺𝘂𝗰𝗵 𝗣𝗔𝗜𝗡 𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝘀 𝗻𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗯𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝗱𝗲𝗮𝗹𝘁 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘀𝗲𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗹𝗲 𝗯𝗼𝘆 𝗼𝗿 𝗴𝗶𝗿𝗹 𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲. 𝗕𝘂𝘁 𝗶𝘁 𝗱𝗼𝗲𝘀𝗻’𝘁 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸.
You may be mentally, emotionally, physically and psychologically exhausted. Taking care of your children, the house, work, the bills…making excuses and covering up for a partner who does not carry their weight…feeling unsupported, being questioned and invalidated…the stress piles on higher and higher until you feel like you’re going to collapse.
Or else things get better for just long enough for you to keep going on with the way things are. Even though something really does need to change.
Having someone validate, name, and explain what you’re dealing with can lift the fog of confusion and pain that is hanging over your life.
Learning tools for deescalating your partner, helping your children talk about what they’re going through, setting clear boundaries without feeling like you’re being mean, and being able to say no even when you’re being guilted or manipulated, can make a huge difference.
There are tools that can help you. These are not magic answers and they aren’t easy to implement. But they are effective and they’re clear. You will understand what you are dealing with, where things stand, what you can and cannot change, and how to care for yourself and your children without making things worse.
P.S. Not ready to purchase the course yet? Feel free to watch my free on-demand webinar on this topic
I am Mirel Goldstein and I’m looking forward to using the expertise I’ve developed over the last 18 years as a psychotherapist and personality disorders expert to help you take control again and to make things better for yourself and your family.